My Experience of Playing the Bagpipes On a Cat At a Wedding.
Posted: Tuesday, May 25, 2010
by Craig B
I love animals. I love playing with animals, and for the most part animals like playing with me. I am also a bit of a rogue. Though now I'm in my early forties I have settled down some what from what I was like in my youth.
I grew up in a horticultural background where my mum and dad owned a nursery. My grandfather was a sheep grazier and I worked mostly with cattle on a dairy farm. Like most young country blokes I spent much of my fun time hunting, fishing, climbing trees, camping, playing practical jokes as well as having a zest for life.
I was known to do this if a cat jumped up on my lap for a pat. What would happen is I would start to stroke the cat and make it relaxed while I cuddled it in my arms. Slowly I would tuck its head under my arm pit making it lay against my arm and chest. I would then continue to stroke the cat and it would normally nestle up to me purring contentedly. Using the hand attatched to the arm the cat was laying on I would hold its back legs and then using my other hand hold its tail and bite it.
While it started to wail and make strange noises I would then using my arm to pump its chest and it would go...waaaahhhhaaa HAAAAAAA EEEHHHHH wwwww snnnnnnnaaaaaarlleeeeeee
The pumping action would create a different pitch in the cats wail.
In doing this two things were important. One was to hold the cats legs tightly with one hand so it wouldnt be able to stratch you. The other was not to hang on too long as it most likely would pee on you if you didn't let it go quickly.
Another issue that was important to consider was what sort of cat you used. If it was a really hairy cat that was molting or shed its hair you would most likely get a mouth full of cat hair, which isn't a nice experience at all.
This now sets the background for a wedding I went to. The reception was in a large barn on a sheep farm. There were animals running around, dogs and cats and this cat decided to pick me out of a barn full of people to jump up onto for a pat.
Have you ever been in a room full of people. Its full of noise and you have to speak loudly to be heard? When suddenly the room goes quiet and you say something really loud and every one hears you? It has happened to me a couple of times now. The barn was like this room. There was around 150 people in it. Music playing in the background. Everybody talking. A lot of excitement in the air.
It was too good an opportunity to pass up and so I started to put my musical abilities once more to the test. The only thing was, as I started to bite down on the tail, the whole room went quiet for the first toast. Dead silence filled the air. And then the farm cat started to sing. Well it was more of a loud screech and wail than it was a song.
Off course every one looked over towards me, the cat shot off my lap and went under the table, then accross the barn floor at a tremendous rate of knots. It then skated up a pole into the roof trusses of the barn hissing at every one, back arched and hair on end. The bride glared at me...for she full well knew what had happened and apart from my mate who was sitting beside me no one else had any idea.
I just sat there quietly as if I didn't know what had happened. Later on the grooms father who owned the farm came up to me to ask about the cat, having been advised to do so by the bride. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him what had happened.
He then grabbed me and introduced me to his other family at the bar while asking me to explain to his brothers and cousins what had happened. A friendly discussion started regarding the finer and more subtle techniques used in the pursuit of musical purity.
As for the cat, it never did come back down from the trusses that night...though the next morning during breakfast it did come back and jump on my lap...........
This story is part of a larger collection of stories from a book I am writing called Animals, poop and body parts " ...all r(c) rights reserved
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More commentsOK I admit in training one of my cats who was starting to bite people I finally bit her ear (after she had laid into me) and told her NO. That can never did bite a person again and we had her for 15 years.... Enjoying your stories much! I have four cats and no, you can't come over to practice. Hey, my friend Leonie is coming from Tingha next week - is that anywhere near you?I have bitten a dog on the ear before...never a cat. It does make sense to do so. Tingha is about 8 hours plus from me. My uncle has a farm at a little place called Warialda which isn't that far from there.My friend, Leonie, will be here for the month of June. She has a high school friend who farms nearby - wonder if this is a SMALL world and it is your uncle?
LOL Craig! I loved this story, so vivid and hilarious! Thanks for sharing!Your welcome Laura, I'm glad you liked it.
I'm glad you grew up and settled down a bit- it's not nice to treat cats that way- it could be dangerous... they have long memories.- EllaIt was funny when the cat came and sat on me the next morning...and yes I only patted it...
As a cat lover I'm not sure how I feel about this...I guess I'm glad you don't do it anymore? Sounds kind of strange...if I saw it I don't know what I would think.You probably would have reacted like most of my friends did when I did it to their cat John. :-)
Great article I love your style. I will read all your articles today and I pretty sure that I will love them.Hi lyuben. Thanks for reading my articles. Let me know which ones you liked the best.
craig,well told story-thanksit must be the years w/ all those cows...bingHi Bing. I'm sure working with cows had something to do with my knack for working with animals. :-)
I must have a warped sense of humor but I can see the funny side of a young man doing that. I guess the cats survived and if they didn't like it, avoided you and hopefully didn't void you.Thanks for the comment Desiree. You have made an interesting observation. I was indeed a young man at the time and like many young people got up to all kinds of mischief... though I never was into crime like so many are today.
Hilarious- This was a terrific article. I will bet that your book does well! Good luck.Thank you Ralph. I hope the book goes well also.
Entertaining article. You must be one strange dude.Thanks Bob. I guess it depends on what you mean by "strange"? lol! have you read my story titled "Do we own our pets or do they own us"? I will be writing more animal stories soon. Watch this space.
Thanks Craig that's funny, very funny I can hear it now you playing your bagpipes and your cat loudly wailing, cool. Thank goodness for neighbours, no seriously great post, keep up the good work Craig I enjoyed reading this article.Thanks Robert. I'm glad you enjoyed this article. ;)
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