Craig B

Why I like telling people that; I like you!



Posted: Wednesday, August 25, 2010

by Craig B

I was 26 years old. A few weeks before I had heard the news that my father had incurable leukemia. And here we were standing in the kitchen and I'm hearing my dad say to me;
" Craig, there is a great regret that I have never put my arm around your shoulder and told you how much I love you! "
It was too much for me, hearing this for the first time in my life from a man who had brought us up with, " Men don't cry! " And so I pushed my dad away by saying , " Its ok dad, we have more important things to talk about " which we didnt !

When my boys were conceived I made the conscious decision that I was not going to wait till they were 26 to tell them that I loved them. So I would lay hands on their mums belly, and tell them that I loved and liked them very much. Once they were born I would put them on my knee and tell them that there are two things that I want you to know.
  1. Dad loves you very much!
  2. Dad likes you very much!
As they started to walk I would call them over to me, saying; " Come here, I have something very important to tell you, and then look them in the eyes and tell them that I both loved and liked them very much. As they grew older, they would say to me " Dad..yeah yeah we know what you're going to say! " I would then ask them what was it I was going to say and they would repeat it back to me. My reply to them is " And don't you forget it! "

Recently I have added a third statement to that short listwhich is " I am proud of you! " Every time I ring the boys and every time I see or have my boys for the weekends or holidays I tell them and give them a big hug while doing it
  1. I love you heaps!
  2. I like you heaps!
  3. I am very proud of you!
When my older son was 9 (they are now 11 & 8 ) he asked me why I told him these things. My answer to him was and still is today. " Son, I tell you this because it is true and my dad never told me these things until I was 26 and he was about to die. "

He said, " Dad, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for your dad to tell you these things, and I am glad you tell me you love, like and are proud of me. " He then gave me the best hug.

As a chaplain to homeless men, I often hear heartbreaking stories. I'm talking to men, many who are older than me, some who are younger. I often talk about issues of identity and tell them what I say to my sons. I then will say to the guys " Guys I want you to know 2 things. "
  1. I want you to know that I like you very much!
  2. I want you to know that God likes you very much!
Often when they share with me the victories in their life, no matter how smallI tell them I am proud of you! It really amazes me, though perhaps it shouldnt; just how powerful an effect these short sentences have on people who perhaps for the first time in their lives are hearing that they are liked.

Many people struggle liking themselves. Deep down we wonder if others really like us. We struggle with issues of do we really like others. Deep down we struggle with the knowledge that God loves us.thinking that he only grudgingly does so. What I want to say to you today and remind myself is that;
  1. God loves you!
  2. God likes you!
  3. God is proud of you!
Craig Bennett is an Australian who is passionate about life, social and inequality issues. He has drawn upon his vast and varied experience of family, life and work to bring about a sense of reality into his writings.

He has a rural background having worked on many cattle and dairy farms.

However you respond to his writing; whether it be with laughter or tears;  your life will be richer for the experience of being drawn into the depth of the moment.
This Article has been viewed 259 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)
» left by Hilda Cang
 1 year 266 days ago.
60 fans.
This is a very encouraging article to tell people the last 3 sentences are important. Very godly testimony.
» left by craig bennett from australia 1 year 266 days ago.
Thank you Hilda. I"m glad you believe its important and liked this article.
» left by Jennifer Stewart
 1 year 265 days ago.
153 fans.
I think you've given your children the most wonderful gift, Craig.
» left by Craig B 1 year 265 days ago.
20 fans.
Thank you Jennifer. I totally agree. I have been off for a while, but will be back doing more writing and reading. I look forward to your articles.
» left by Grace O'Malley
 1 year 265 days ago.
42 fans.
Craig I applaud you for doing that to your children and your congregation. How many of us would have better lives if we only heard we were loved.
 
Grace
» left by Craig B 1 year 265 days ago.
20 fans.
Thanks for reading and your kudos Grace. It's interesting you use the term congregation regarding the men at the men's shelter... but you are right they are my congregation if they see me as their chaplain.
» left by Dr. Carla Goddard 1 year 264 days ago.
39 fans. Follow Dr. Carla Goddard on twitter!
Craig
 
I use to call my childhood sterile. I knew my parents loved me. Words were not spoken often. Hugs and snuggles rare. I too made the choice with my children to snuggle with them, hugs them, and tell them consistently how much I loved them.
 
Yet, with other adults I was sterile. Don't cross my boundaries. I was 31 when a mentor said to me, someday it won't hurt so much to let someone love you and hug you. Now I probably hug far too many people. But I remember how it felt those first few times of letting another person hug me and know they meant it. I try to share that in my own ministry as often as possible.
 
Thank you for sharing this story with us. It touched me and reminded me how to start my day.
 
mwah (my wishes are heartfelt)
 
Carla
» left by Craig B 1 year 260 days ago.
20 fans.
Thanks for reading and commenting Carla. I like what you said about it not hurting so much to allow someone to love you.
» left by Abe Blauvelt
 1 year 261 days ago.
15 fans.
I learned a long time ago that saying I love you or giving positive reinforcement goes a long way. I get it from those I surround myself and give it back tenfold. Good read Craig.
» left by Jill Lennon
 310 days 20 hours ago.
16 fans.
I did not want to make the same mistakes as my parents. I remember when bringing up my boys that we would have a family meeting every Sunday after lunch. Not a moaning groaning dread from the kidsl but a clear the air meeting. I would ask them in turn if there was anything they wanted to tell me, we would discuss it and then wipe the slate clean. This way the kids were able to start the following week with no bad feelings, nothing to worry them and able to have a productive week. Your article reminds just how important it is for kids to know that a parent can be a friend but that a parent loves unconditionally. Great article, glad you are back.
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